About Post Mo Forums vs. Real Life

[silverfox]

As I was telling a fellow member of this board, I use this forum to bitch and moan about Mo'ism when the need arises. However, in "real" life Mo'ism is a very small part of my life.

I live in Utard and I have a TBM married daughter so Mo'ism creeps it's ugly head now and then but all in all very little of my precious time is wasted thinking about it, talking about it, or worrying about it.

But it did take me a few years to get to this point. There was a time when I was consumed with gobbling up all the information I could about Mo'ism and the real truth. I was obsessed. But just as quickly as that obsession began, it ended.

My life is so much richer without the church in it. My time is well spent on my family and friends. I cherish every moment with them. I believe I feel my life is richer because I give myself credit for my happiness. I don't need the guidelines or rules of any organization to feel great about me or my family or our lives.

Living in Utard I become frustrated from time to time but nothing that consumes me.

Because of the nature of forums like this and the intent of such forums, we may come across as obsessed or angry or bitter.

In reality how many of us spend 24/7 worrying or thinking about Mo'ism? How many of us are really consumed with it all? How many of us come here, bitch and moan, go back to our real lives where Mo'ism plays a small part in it?

Some of us are in situations where Mo'ism HAS to consume us (married to TBMs, TBM family members, etc) and plays a big role in our lives. But not really by choice.

Any thoughts?

[free thinker]

Any thoughts?


I too can relate to this. I work with a number of LDS folks but we never talk about it. Except for this site, I have no involvement with the church whatsoever. Well I do drive by ward buildings each day. :D Other than that, nothing.

This is a compacted format as you have said. It is a touchstone for those who want to relate with others who have, or are walking a path that only post-mormons can relate to. If you never have been in the church full speed, you simply cannot relate.

A quick example. I showed my last girlfriend the temple handshakes. And her reaction? It was the same as if I told her I liked to dress up like Ronald McDonald and sing Ella Fitzgerald songs. It's like, ok, whatever free thinker.
:cool:

free thinker

[elder_nomo]

I am right there with both of you, Silverfox and Freethinker.
I left the church over 25 years ago. I have no mo family members and only 2 remaining mo friends. They both live far away and we only have infrequent contact (no church talk at all.)

I live in So. Calif. where I guess there are lots of mo's but even more of everybody else. Statistically mo'ism is small here. I am not aware of any mo's at my job. I don't know of any mo neighbors. Mo'ism is not at all part of my real life.

This board (and ex-mo) are the only contact I have with anything remotely mo-related.
I enjoy the boards and the chance to rant and rave a bit (mostly when I learn of yet more betrayals, white-washes and outright lies by the morg - I am only now learning so many of these things!). I also like hearing from people who share some of my life path, and learning some new ideas. But then I'm back to my real life where mo'ism has virtually no role. [it's nice!]

[david]

I am right there with both of you, Silverfox and Freethinker.
I left the church over 25 years ago. I have no mo family members and only 2 remaining mo friends. They both live far away and we only have infrequent contact (no church talk at all.)

I live in So. Calif. where I guess there are lots of mo's but even more of everybody else. Statistically mo'ism is small here. I am not aware of any mo's at my job. I don't know of any mo neighbors. Mo'ism is not at all part of my real life.

This board (and ex-mo) are the only contact I have with anything remotely mo-related.
I enjoy the boards and the chance to rant and rave a bit (mostly when I learn of yet more betrayals, white-washes and outright lies by the morg - I am only now learning so many of these things!). I also like hearing from people who share some of my life path, and learning some new ideas. But then I'm back to my real life where mo'ism has virtually no role. [it's nice!]

I also left about 23 years ago. I live in Seattle where the mo population is fairly strong (so I hear) but I don't know a single mo--that I'm aware of--either in my personal life or my work. The exception is my family who live in the region. I do keep up a little bit with my best friend from high school who is mo, but he lives on the east coast and when we do talk, it's not about the church. That's the extent of my contact with real-life mo's and it's more than enough for me.

Now and again I'll relate a mo-story from my church days or express my dismay at some aspect of moism to the mother of my son, who I live with. I usually just get a blank stare. That's why I wander onto this site a lot, it gives me perspective on all the weirdness that is moism and helps me process the bizarre experiences of growing up in the church. (I spent the first ten years out of the church feeling like a freak, and wondering if there was such a thing as recovery. I'm glad to report There Is.)

[wescape]

I also left about 23 years ago. I live in Seattle where the mo population is fairly strong (so I hear) but I don't know a single mo--that I'm aware of--either in my personal life or my work. The exception is my family who live in the region. I do keep up a little bit with my best friend from high school who is mo, but he lives on the east coast and when we do talk, it's not about the church. That's the extent of my contact with real-life mo's and it's more than enough for me.

Now and again I'll relate a mo-story from my church days or express my dismay at some aspect of moism to the mother of my son, who I live with. I usually just get a blank stare. That's why I wander onto this site a lot, it gives me perspective on all the weirdness that is moism and helps me process the bizarre experiences of growing up in the church. (I spent the first ten years out of the church feeling like a freak, and wondering if there was such a thing as recovery. I'm glad to report There Is.)

Hey David,

I'm a fellow Seattle resident as well. I was born and raised in the Morg but have been out now for several years. My family is down in Portland and most of my Dad's side are all Mo's. I don't know any up here. I have met some post-mo's though. We had a get together recently and it was a lot of fun. I think we're having another one in October. Let me know if you'd like more info. Take care.

Wes

[hitchiker]

As I was telling a fellow member of this board, I use this forum to bitch and moan about Mo'ism when the need arises. However, in "real" life Mo'ism is a very small part of my life.

I live in Utard and I have a TBM married daughter so Mo'ism creeps it's ugly head now and then but all in all very little of my precious time is wasted thinking about it, talking about it, or worrying about it.

But it did take me a few years to get to this point. There was a time when I was consumed with gobbling up all the information I could about Mo'ism and the real truth. I was obsessed. But just as quickly as that obsession began, it ended.

My life is so much richer without the church in it. My time is well spent on my family and friends. I cherish every moment with them. I believe I feel my life is richer because I give myself credit for my happiness. I don't need the guidelines or rules of any organization to feel great about me or my family or our lives.

Living in Utard I become frustrated from time to time but nothing that consumes me.

Because of the nature of forums like this and the intent of such forums, we may come across as obsessed or angry or bitter.

In reality how many of us spend 24/7 worrying or thinking about Mo'ism? How many of us are really consumed with it all? How many of us come here, bitch and moan, go back to our real lives where Mo'ism plays a small part in it?

Some of us are in situations where Mo'ism HAS to consume us (married to TBMs, TBM family members, etc) and plays a big role in our lives. But not really by choice.

Any thoughts?I am afraid i am still at the obsessed / possesed stage , i think about moism every day , still reading lots of why it isn,t books but the information is getting tired now so why bother , my wife is still a tbm , funny thing tho , are marriage seems to be getting better in many ways , after the initial problems are over she seems to have excepted where i am at . i still attend sacrament once a week but nothing else , i actually enjoy the hymns and still have a belief in something , not sure what it is , i enjoy reading the BOM sometimes and find it more interesting now i know how it was written , i would be happy to be an active mormon if they were to be honest and stop the anti learning freedom of thought / speech thing , but i geuss that will never happen . being part of a church group can be fun and an interesting place to get to know people , i have a feeling tho , somebody is going to turn round and say , you don,t belong here , get lost , so we will wait and see

[miss taken]

Hi Silverfox.
I am over here in the UK. No LDS for miles, one of my inactive best friends is coming to stay, we often talk about things, and sometimes I surprise her, because when I was in I was very loyal and very in. She studied philosophy and archaeology and we have some great chats about all things really. My other best friend lives in Oregon and her hubbie has just left the church so I know she is having a hard time of it right now. My other best friend is still very loyal to the church, so I try not to say anything to offend her at all as the church means a lot to her. We are going to a DO concert in October, and we chat often about scrapbooking and education as she is also a teacher.
My male best friends I have really lost touch with as they are mostly married and men tend not to keep up contacts like women. My very best male friend is still lds, and has become very much more so since he married. Last time I conversed with him I felt so disappointed because he seems to have become very close minded and arrogant towards other religions, (when I told him I had occassionaly been attending a CofE here, also nearly got wangled into the Vine church, but looked at their creeds and thought no, same with the CofE) He used to be very loving and open minded and I wondered if the church was doing him much good. He is bogged down with a time consuming job and 3 young children which doesn't help!!!
I email members occassionally and miss a lot of them. I now live 50 miles from my home ward.
I keep in touch with some members here in Wiltshire, but we mostly talk about IVF procedures, the ethics of egg donation and so forth, not really the church.
Bit boring, but I still like to keep in touch with everyone!!!

I do still think about things a lot. I don't know that I could ever go back to full activity, but I wouldn't want to discourage anyone who finds God in it....

Mary

[hamar]

As I was telling a fellow member of this board, I use this forum to bitch and moan about Mo'ism when the need arises. However, in "real" life Mo'ism is a very small part of my life.

I live in Utard and I have a TBM married daughter so Mo'ism creeps it's ugly head now and then but all in all very little of my precious time is wasted thinking about it, talking about it, or worrying about it.

But it did take me a few years to get to this point. There was a time when I was consumed with gobbling up all the information I could about Mo'ism and the real truth. I was obsessed. But just as quickly as that obsession began, it ended.

My life is so much richer without the church in it. My time is well spent on my family and friends. I cherish every moment with them. I believe I feel my life is richer because I give myself credit for my happiness. I don't need the guidelines or rules of any organization to feel great about me or my family or our lives.

Living in Utard I become frustrated from time to time but nothing that consumes me.

Because of the nature of forums like this and the intent of such forums, we may come across as obsessed or angry or bitter.

In reality how many of us spend 24/7 worrying or thinking about Mo'ism? How many of us are really consumed with it all? How many of us come here, bitch and moan, go back to our real lives where Mo'ism plays a small part in it?

Some of us are in situations where Mo'ism HAS to consume us (married to TBMs, TBM family members, etc) and plays a big role in our lives. But not really by choice.

Any thoughts?


I'm afraid I'm not as far along the path of recovery as many of you. I'm probably closer to Hitchhiker. I've only been out (meaning my letter has been sent) for about four months or so after being clueless for nearly 30 years. I actually believed that Polygamy started in Utard by BY until about six months ago. I believed that JS really did receive the PH from Peter, James and John in 1830, etc.

So when I started reading all the documented truth and realized how foolish I've been for the past 30 years, I've become pretty angry. I still find myself reading lots of books and papers on related church topics, although I don't often look to FARMS anymore for further light and knowledge. I'm talking with a lot of friends and family that are not MO; they too have been supportive.

One of our "Born Again" relatives actually brought us a new NIV Study Bible and was pretty gentle with us, thankfully. I really didn't want an "I told you so" attitude from them and was afraid I might get some of that.

I'm really hoping that I can get past this phase quickly, because it is consuming a lot of time at the moment and I really want to move on. I do however enjoy visiting here and another board frequently to hear others rant and share. I believe it helps with the healing process. The laughter that some generate from the humorous comments certainly helps. I hope that I might offer something to someone new to the process, in the future, as many of you are helping me go forward now.

DW and I are taking this walk together thank goodness.

[why me]

I have posted my comments on the 'Take back you power from mormonism' thread' post #15 in response as to whether or not I am a troll. I cannot really repeat myself here. For those who may be interested please read it. It has something to do with my defensive psyche at the moment. And also as to wheter I am in moism or not. I hope that some of you can share the 'majority of life' that you now have outside the church...it would be great to read the learning life process as experienced by you all and the events that now shape your lives...take care...

[peter_mary]

Interesting question, Silverfox...

I actually have had this discussion with my wife a few weeks ago. We realized that sometime in the past year we turned the corner on this issue. The Church no longer defines our life. But we LEFT the Church (informally) nearly 6 years ago, and the healing and processing and learning has taken this long to achieve that result.

I found myself sitting in the "hair-cutting chair" of a woman in our ward who cuts hair in her basement, and for the first time, we chatted freely about our ward with full recognition that I don't go anymore. I wasn't hiding anything (though I was being sensitive), and she didn't pretend she'd never noticed. I believe that it was so easy in large part because the wounds are finally healed. I'm a whole person again, and safe and secure in my own world, and I can re-enter their world and have a conversation without feeling threatened myself, or needing to get defensive with them.

That felt really good. I was in a great mood all evening!

But I live in S.E. Idaho, which is pretty much Salt Lake North, and Mormonism necessarily informs a significant part of my reality. Now I'm learning to deal with it again like I did before I joined the Church. It's more complicated now, but it becomes less so with each passing day.

There was a time when ALL I talked about, ALL I read about, ALL I researched, and ALL I bitched about was Mormonism. It consumed me. For five years. But as I look back, that's what has created such a healthy healing process. I gave it the attention that my psyche needed, and dealt with it all. I ran from nothing, talked about everything, aired it all out...and now, I'm pretty well done.

*whew!*

It's been a long 5+ years! :cool:

Peter_Mary

[silverfox]

I have posted my comments on the 'Take back you power from mormonism' thread' post #15 in response as to whether or not I am a troll. I cannot really repeat myself here. For those who may be interested please read it. It has something to do with my defensive psyche at the moment. And also as to wheter I am in moism or not. I hope that some of you can share the 'majority of life' that you now have outside the church...it would be great to read the learning life process as experienced by you all and the events that now shape your lives...take care...

I am not sure what you mean by sharing the "majority of life" that we now have outside the church. I think you are reaching out and asking for all the positive experiences we have had outside of the church. Many of us have, in many threads, shared those experiences.

Why_me, some of us have had some very negative experiences as members. The betrayal is deep. When one devotes their ENTIRE life to an organization only to find out it is full of half truths and deceit, of course there is going to be pain and anger and bitterness. We come here to share those experiences and support each other through the process. When I first found Post Mo boards I was sooooo relieved. It helped to know there were others out there who shared the same feelings and experiences and the same kind of pain. My feelings were validated and thus, I could move on and grow.

A lot of what is posted here may seem negative and bitter but it is necessary to share those feelings and have them validated. Please don't underestimate the power of these boards for so many of us.

You may not have experienced what many of us have. You may not feel the deceit like we have or the pain. When I first learned the church was based on crap I cried for days. I was an emotional mess. 30 years of my life that I can't have back. There is so much I would do differently. But I can't take those years back so I move forward and cherish each moment that I have NOW. Am I bitter? Hell, yeah. But I am no longer obsessed with that bitterness. But I am grateful for it because it has enabled me to grow. Without the bitterness, the anger, the disappointment I wouldn't know what I know now. I wouldn't have the life I have now. I wouldn't appreciate life like I do now.

I am not sure what you expect from these kinds of forums? I feel we have a good mix of discussion. Lots of good information that is continually coming forth regarding the Morg. Lots of insightful observations, good and bad. And somewhere out there in cyber land someone is benefiting from it all.

[momonomo]

We left the church a few months ago. It is still so hard to beleive that everything I lived and believed was a lie. Sometimes I feel like it is all a bad dream and I will wake up and it will all be okay. Then I read more of the true history and changes and get angry all over again. We are free and I feel good about it, but I still feel somewhat lost.

[why me]

I am not sure what you mean by sharing the "majority of life" that we now have outside the church. I think you are reaching out and asking for all the positive experiences we have had outside of the church. Many of us have, in many threads, shared those experiences.

Why_me, some of us have had some very negative experiences as members. The betrayal is deep. When one devotes their ENTIRE life to an organization only to find out it is full of half truths and deceit, of course there is going to be pain and anger and bitterness. We come here to share those experiences and support each other through the process. When I first found Post Mo boards I was sooooo relieved. It helped to know there were others out there who shared the same feelings and experiences and the same kind of pain. My feelings were validated and thus, I could move on and grow.

A lot of what is posted here may seem negative and bitter but it is necessary to share those feelings and have them validated. Please don't underestimate the power of these boards for so many of us.

You may not have experienced what many of us have. You may not feel the deceit like we have or the pain. When I first learned the church was based on crap I cried for days. I was an emotional mess. 30 years of my life that I can't have back. There is so much I would do differently. But I can't take those years back so I move forward and cherish each moment that I have NOW. Am I bitter? Hell, yeah. But I am no longer obsessed with that bitterness. But I am grateful for it because it has enabled me to grow. Without the bitterness, the anger, the disappointment I wouldn't know what I know now. I wouldn't have the life I have now. I wouldn't appreciate life like I do now.

I am not sure what you expect from these kinds of forums? I feel we have a good mix of discussion. Lots of good information that is continually coming forth regarding the Morg. Lots of insightful observations, good and bad. And somewhere out there in cyber land someone is benefiting from it all.
I think that you are right in many ways in your post. It is great that the forum can help people who have senses of betrayal inside them. I have no problem with that. Maybe...there is a part of me who feels just alittle betrayed (and I mean a little) by the home page. I suppose that I wanted to converse about the meaning of life beyond mormonism more. The home page can be a little misleading I think since it covers a very broad aspect for posters or members to comprehend. And if the home page does cover a broad spectrum of postmo experience there needs to be an opening for the non-bitter postmo too. If you look at the threads almost all are involved with mormonism in some way and usually rather negative. It is true that members have posted other kinds of threads too but recently the negativity is very high. And that is okay. But what to do with the postmo who is not angry or upset? What to do with the postmo who does want to remember the good and share that good with others on this forum or in life? The postmo who may not want to read the hypocrisy over and over again? I don't know how to relate to all the negativity and bitterness but I could relate to life. As you said the church plays such a small part of your lfe now...but it would be great to read more about the larger part of your life...as it happens to you as a human being in an unending story. That's all I meant by my recent thread addressed to the members. Well...who knows...maybe I have gone crazy at the moment and can't seem to make sense of my thoughts...take care out there... :)

I would start a thread about the 'good' the posters found in mormonism (as stated in the homepage) but I think that only mistaken would give it some consideration at the moment. (And she has already responded on many occasions about the good she has discoved). But this is only a feeling...and nothing more...now I know jeff can bring up the other part of the homepage message which is fine with me...but all parts of the homepage should in a way be honored because this is what attracts new members...I think. Oh...I don't know... I am just running on and on now...take care...

[flotsam]

I just got back from another trip to Shishmaref. It was kind of interesting. There are three Mormons up there, when I come, it makes four. The three Mormons up there figure I'm just another run-of-the-mill Mo. And to tell the truth, it's kind of fun to be one for a few days. It's fun to share the common language. For example, I read a review of a book about David O. McKay and learned, to my vast amusement, that he had once championed the building of a temple boat. Yep, a temple to travel the seas and bring itself to the far-flung Mo population. I thought that was one of the weirdest things I ever heard of.

So I just up and told the Mo sitting in the room with me about it. And we had a great time chewing it over. We figured it would have broken the record for fastest temple ever staffed, especially when it started its South Seas tour.

And I went to a family home evening - the first in Shishmaref history - and had a grand old time. As Peter_Mary has put it: it was like slipping back into an old pair of jeans.

But, of course, I know there are lots of holes in these jeans, and that they are in very embarassing places. When I left I put my skepticism right back on. But it was oddly restful to be among people who had no idea what a heterodox I am.