lisa
3rd September 2005, 08:25 AM
I thought I would just jump in with both feet and tell my story. If any of it seems long of fails to make a bit of sense at any point I am sorry and for my spelling and punctuation and any other gramatical errors; I appoligise in advance.
here goes.
I was born into a pretty much inactive mormon family;they did go to church on chistmas and easter and then there were the couple of times the bishop would decide to give dad a calling teaching screaming kids sunday school and that would only last a week or two and he would give up. Not totally sure what happened but when I was about 12 my father decided that from that day forward we were a active family, and I never had the choice again as to weather or not I went to church. It was kinda weird. I asked him about that recently and he just said it was becouse of an article he read in the paper one sunday morning. Our family begun doing it all. I really hated FHE my dad would sit there and every week we would go around the room and be asked to bear our testimony, I knew then I didnt have a testimony and I would just sit there and say nothing and feel so shamed becouse I never shared, Why share something you don't even have? When I was 19 I married a boy I had waited for while he went on his mission. He wasnt the best missionary on the planet he called me all the time, so it was like he wasnt ever really gone. We got married 1 month after he returned from his mission. He joined the military and we travled the world. Our church activity was back and forth quite a bit the first 4 or 5 years of the marriage, and then we were just active. We had 4 children and 3 children that died shortly after bith from prematurity. The marriage was always pretty rocky. He was quite abusive to me and was quite physically abusive towards our children as well. The kids behavior was totally out of control and no amount of parenting classes and therapy seemed to help the situation. Five years ago my lodest son was in a residential treatment program and disclosed to his therapist that his dad had molested him and all of his siblings for as long as he could remember. I really thought my life to be over at that point, but the reality is that is when my life began. The other three children had a really hard time talking about what dad was and what he did to them; but with tons of excellent therapy they have been able to work through alot of this and gain some distance in the situation. Of course I divorced the ***** he is serving a 30 yr sentence at the Utah state prison. I just pray they never let him out. I began leaving the mormon church after several horrible experiences with bishops and other so-called well meaning church memebers. there was the comment that becouse I was divorced I couldnt just go talk to my home teacher one night when I was having a really hard time becouse his wife was not home. Then the numerous times someone would ask me what I did to cause the divorce, ugh! this was mainly from our old ward, they have no idea what he was other than a great dad in their mind, and I was the one with all the problems, if they only knew. Then the bishops that would tell me that all you single moms are the same and just want the church to support you. its all been crazy. I began leaving a little here and a little there about 2 1/2 yrs ago; but I always went back becouse of fear of what my family would do. I moved to Salt Lake a year ago and left the church after yet another horrible altercatoin with another bishop. I do attend a church but one that I belive in and one that works for me. I have struggled with the relationships with my sisters and my dad and step mom in the past year but as I am getting more and more healty and my dad knows I am happy the stress of this has lessoned.
I work for a therapist that specializes in experiential therapy with victims. I am the victim services coordinator my job is to talk to advocates about our program. I was once a victim and now I am not. Its nice to be past that and in my job I am able to help others grow beyond being a victim as well. I truly do belive I have the best job on the planet. I get to see others transform before my eyes.
thats the short version of my story. Feel free to ask anything at all. there is alot to it really but I didnt want to take all day.
Love,
Lisa ;)
here goes.
I was born into a pretty much inactive mormon family;they did go to church on chistmas and easter and then there were the couple of times the bishop would decide to give dad a calling teaching screaming kids sunday school and that would only last a week or two and he would give up. Not totally sure what happened but when I was about 12 my father decided that from that day forward we were a active family, and I never had the choice again as to weather or not I went to church. It was kinda weird. I asked him about that recently and he just said it was becouse of an article he read in the paper one sunday morning. Our family begun doing it all. I really hated FHE my dad would sit there and every week we would go around the room and be asked to bear our testimony, I knew then I didnt have a testimony and I would just sit there and say nothing and feel so shamed becouse I never shared, Why share something you don't even have? When I was 19 I married a boy I had waited for while he went on his mission. He wasnt the best missionary on the planet he called me all the time, so it was like he wasnt ever really gone. We got married 1 month after he returned from his mission. He joined the military and we travled the world. Our church activity was back and forth quite a bit the first 4 or 5 years of the marriage, and then we were just active. We had 4 children and 3 children that died shortly after bith from prematurity. The marriage was always pretty rocky. He was quite abusive to me and was quite physically abusive towards our children as well. The kids behavior was totally out of control and no amount of parenting classes and therapy seemed to help the situation. Five years ago my lodest son was in a residential treatment program and disclosed to his therapist that his dad had molested him and all of his siblings for as long as he could remember. I really thought my life to be over at that point, but the reality is that is when my life began. The other three children had a really hard time talking about what dad was and what he did to them; but with tons of excellent therapy they have been able to work through alot of this and gain some distance in the situation. Of course I divorced the ***** he is serving a 30 yr sentence at the Utah state prison. I just pray they never let him out. I began leaving the mormon church after several horrible experiences with bishops and other so-called well meaning church memebers. there was the comment that becouse I was divorced I couldnt just go talk to my home teacher one night when I was having a really hard time becouse his wife was not home. Then the numerous times someone would ask me what I did to cause the divorce, ugh! this was mainly from our old ward, they have no idea what he was other than a great dad in their mind, and I was the one with all the problems, if they only knew. Then the bishops that would tell me that all you single moms are the same and just want the church to support you. its all been crazy. I began leaving a little here and a little there about 2 1/2 yrs ago; but I always went back becouse of fear of what my family would do. I moved to Salt Lake a year ago and left the church after yet another horrible altercatoin with another bishop. I do attend a church but one that I belive in and one that works for me. I have struggled with the relationships with my sisters and my dad and step mom in the past year but as I am getting more and more healty and my dad knows I am happy the stress of this has lessoned.
I work for a therapist that specializes in experiential therapy with victims. I am the victim services coordinator my job is to talk to advocates about our program. I was once a victim and now I am not. Its nice to be past that and in my job I am able to help others grow beyond being a victim as well. I truly do belive I have the best job on the planet. I get to see others transform before my eyes.
thats the short version of my story. Feel free to ask anything at all. there is alot to it really but I didnt want to take all day.
Love,
Lisa ;)