I have a problem

hitchiker · #1 20th July 2005, 05:08 AM

for the last thirty years i have been thinking about nothing but church church church, for the first fiffteen years it was all about how to be a better member , for the last fiffteen its been why i should not be a member at all , but the last six months has been the worst and sometimes i feel myself crying out , how can i get all this stuff out of my head , i know my family are suffering as i can,t get my head clear to concentrate on real problems , i see a lot of other ex members spending lots of time on this page and obviously doing hours of study , so maybe its a common problem , this is so bad that at time i feel quite ill , all advice gladly recieved

dogzilla · #2 20th July 2005, 06:27 AM

Sounds to me like you need another hobby. My advice is to take a vacation from this site. I've done it. Sometimes you only need a few days to gain some perspective. Maybe you'll need weeks, I dunno. But turn off your computer, back away slowly, and go outside. Take a walk. Read a book that has nothing to do with religion. Go to a movie. Start a project that involves working with your hands. Join a club. Take a class.

What you described sounds like early symptoms of depression. I find the best way to deal with depression is to reach out to people around me and ask them to help me get out of my rut, whatever rut that is. And then I go try to involve myself in something new. It doesn't mean I give up my old interests; I'm just adding another one.

Good luck!

silverfox · #3 20th July 2005, 08:55 AM

I think it is difficult to be free of church related stuff when you have close family members who are TBM. If I remember correctly, you do.

I agree with dogzilla - replace the time you spend here or other church related places doing something you thoroughly enjoy. Even if it's a walk, sitting in your yard, reading - listening to EVIL music, etc.

I find myself moving further and further from chruch related stuff. Living in Utard it is difficult but not impossible.

It takes time. But I think because the church has been so deeply under our skin for so long that it takes a while to get it all out. I've been going through the process for 3 years now and each day is better.

BUT I don't have to deal with a TBM spouse, parents, etc. I know that has made the transition much easier and faster.

hitchiker · #4 20th July 2005, 04:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dogzilla

Sounds to me like you need another hobby. My advice is to take a vacation from this site. I've done it. Sometimes you only need a few days to gain some perspective. Maybe you'll need weeks, I dunno. But turn off your computer, back away slowly, and go outside. Take a walk. Read a book that has nothing to do with religion. Go to a movie. Start a project that involves working with your hands. Join a club. Take a class.

What you described sounds like early symptoms of depression. I find the best way to deal with depression is to reach out to people around me and ask them to help me get out of my rut, whatever rut that is. And then I go try to involve myself in something new. It doesn't mean I give up my old interests; I'm just adding another one.

Good luck!

i think i do have depression for sure , and have had it for a long time , the last time someone gave me this advice as you have ( it was a doctor ) i spent about $15000 on band gears and went mad on it for a few years , it became an obsession all of its own , in the end tho it did not cure the religeous drama , this is the same as going to the beach and for walks ect , wherever i go the mormon thing goes with me , i also do lots of work with my hands as i re build cars which is a hobbie and makes money , i have tried anti depressants at times , actually i found them very depressing , thats kind of funny but its true . perhaps your right , concentating on whats here makes things worse , but to tell you the truth its one of the few things that relieves stress for me , realizing that theres lots of people out there with the same problem . perhaps the anti dote should go like this , burn all religeous books , all clothing related to mo mo , all talk concerning mo mo and the computer , well i use it for business so i can,t burn it , but its probably the worst agitator , not only for what i read but for what i say .......thanx for all posts

hitchiker · #5 20th July 2005, 05:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by silverfox

I think it is difficult to be free of church related stuff when you have close family members who are TBM. If I remember correctly, you do.

I agree with dogzilla - replace the time you spend here or other church related places doing something you thoroughly enjoy. Even if it's a walk, sitting in your yard, reading - listening to EVIL music, etc.

I find myself moving further and further from chruch related stuff. Living in Utard it is difficult but not impossible.

It takes time. But I think because the church has been so deeply under our skin for so long that it takes a while to get it all out. I've been going through the process for 3 years now and each day is better.

BUT I don't have to deal with a TBM spouse, parents, etc. I know that has made the transition much easier and faster.

Hmmmm listening to evil music , i actually do a bit and even play some , no the religeon nut nut thing is still there , lets think about something else , what about sky diving , no i would be thinking about dying falling thru the air , and thats very religeuos

kreleia · #6 20th July 2005, 06:03 PM

Think about sex.

That way, when the religion stuff comes creeping in, you can realize how boring it keeps things and **ahem** go at it with reckless abandon.

Besides. Safe sex is a fantastic hobby. ...or so I've heard... I'm stopping now.

flotsam · #7 21st July 2005, 04:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kreleia

Think about sex.

That way, when the religion stuff comes creeping in, you can realize how boring it keeps things and **ahem** go at it with reckless abandon.

Besides. Safe sex is a fantastic hobby. ...or so I've heard... I'm stopping now.

I don't think your husband's going to be happy about that.

cactus jack · #8 22nd July 2005, 01:00 AM

Hmmm. Want out? I have an easy way for ya: go to church one sunday and give your testimony- naked.

Granted it may not get you kicked out, but it sure will liven thing up for a bit!

why me · #9 22nd July 2005, 03:00 AM

I have the same problem as you do. The church is in my blood slowly flowing through my veins and into my heart...it can be there in the mind or in the body. And I have also suffered from depression whether related to the church or just by life, I don't know. I suppose that it is good to remember that you are not alone in this. That there are others who suffer like you do and survive. When I think of myself...it comes from not being able to live it and to my having doubts about it but not being able to deny it. And perhaps this is your issue also. It sounds like it but I could be wrong. Also I know that I have been torn between the two lives...the ' good' church life and the carnal life. Each side goes to bat against the other...giving me a severe mental beating. Now some people on this site have licked that problem. They have moved on and are doing fine. But others...are still doing battle....going the full 13 rounds. From a different perspective...say I was a good TBM and by searching the web for some good wholesome information about Joseph Smith...I find this site and exmormon.org and all the other sites that are not positive about church people and church institutions. I can either shrug it off and continue my research or I can begin to read the stories and questions of former members and so forth. If I begin to read, perhaps I would then begin to have my inner war and the struggle against what I have believed for years and have questions of doubt. With doubt can come the inner war....Now if I was a disgruntled member looking for a way out...and I came across sites that do not like mormonism...I would feel that I have found friends and support. The internet can be a wonderful thing and a harmful thing depending on perspectives and understandings. I have always tried to look upon knowledge as a challenge. It is there to be questioned but hopefully with questioning I can become a deeper person and a better person. Great things have come from people at war within themselves...most great literature have come from such wars or battles. It shows intellect and sensitivity to the life process...just don't let it 'consume' you because it can be destructive in my opinion..use it well and keep your balance. I am no expert however, and I have not always kept my balance...I have fell over a few times and I am still falling over...good luck out there...and keep cool....I think that dogzilla can be right in her suggestion. It may be difficult for me to do but maybe you can do it. It is worth a try...

hitchiker · #10 22nd July 2005, 06:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kreleia

Think about sex.

That way, when the religion stuff comes creeping in, you can realize how boring it keeps things and **ahem** go at it with reckless abandon.

Besides. Safe sex is a fantastic hobby. ...or so I've heard... I'm stopping now.

yes but when i think about sex i think about joseph in heaven surrounded by his adoring female angels , how beautiful that must be , my latest hobbie is having a puff of herbs with my best friend , a former church buddie , we sit there for hours talking , guess what , its religeon again , but i think i get closer to god there than i ever did at church and its amazing how well you get to know each other , this could be the beginning of post mo nz , next week will invite another church member to have a puff with us and exsperience the beautifull feeling of being one together , then perhaps when there enough of us we can have a party where we all paint are faces and where wierd clothes , this still would not be as wacky as the temple , but we are getting there , hmmmm i think i am beginning to enjoy life again , and thanx for that suggestion , it kind of made my night buzz a bit more

cactus jack · #11 25th July 2005, 11:15 PM

Joseph's "adoring wives"? Man, you ain't seen any pictures of them, have you? He can have them!

hitchiker · #12 25th July 2005, 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cactus jack

Joseph's "adoring wives"? Man, you ain't seen any pictures of them, have you? He can have them!

some people are just to fussy , anyway everyone has a perfect body in heaven

miss taken · #13 26th July 2005, 02:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cactus jack

Hmmm. Want out? I have an easy way for ya: go to church one sunday and give your testimony- naked.

Granted it may not get you kicked out, but it sure will liven thing up for a bit!

Okay, that one had me on the floor.

Thanks for that Cactus Jack.

Just on a serious note. I think that is why I love some of the websites devoted to humour (LDS), it makes you laugh, and gets everything in perspective somehow.

Leaving the church is a tricky business emotionally, psychologically, socially. I felt I was in free-fall for a while there. Looking back, its all part of the brain-washing, and yes I do think that the church psychologically damaged me and kept me in a child-like state. Having a good laugh about it, seeing the funny side, just seems to help somehow. Takes the bite out of it all.

kreleia · #14 26th July 2005, 02:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flotsam

I don't think your husband's going to be happy about that.

Like I said... recreational safe sex with your eternal partner can be fun!!

...because that's what I meant to say. Really!

why me · #15 26th July 2005, 06:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kreleia

Like I said... recreational safe sex with your eternal partner can be fun!!

...because that's what I meant to say. Really!

What exactly is recreational safe sex with a husband or wife? I would prefer recreational sex unless of course its a baby thing. Is it a baby thing? Safe has many connotations these days. But I think that I understand....

Surprises can be overwhelming at times...

hitchiker · #16 27th July 2005, 02:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cactus jack

Joseph's "adoring wives"? Man, you ain't seen any pictures of them, have you? He can have them!

can you post some pictures , i am curious

cactus jack · #17 27th July 2005, 03:16 AM

Poor guy! I will have you in my prayers!

Quote:

Originally Posted by hitchiker

can you post some pictures , i am curious

hitchiker · #18 27th July 2005, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kreleia

Like I said... recreational safe sex with your eternal partner can be fun!!

...because that's what I meant to say. Really!

I was trying to think what safe recreational sex would be like , could it include running about the woods at night wearing fig leaves and playing hide and seek

peter_mary · #19 27th July 2005, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hitchiker

I was trying to think what safe recreational sex would be like , could it include running about the woods at night wearing fig leaves and playing hide and seek

I keep thinking about what UN-safe recreational sex would be like:

Sex while white-water rafting?

Sex while hang-gliding?

Sex on skis? (Imagine being naked, coupled, and standing halfway down a slippery mountain with slippery slats on your feet...)

Sex while surfing? (attracts sharks, I understand...)

Sex while playing softball? Okay, that's not as dangerous as it sounds, unless you consider how wooden bats can produce splinters...not that I'd know...or would admit...

Sex on a tandem bicycle, while careening through Pyranees chasing Lance Armstrong? (Gotta make it REALLY unsafe).

Yeah, I can see why safe recreational sex would be much, well, safer!

Peter_Mary

cactus jack · #20 27th July 2005, 05:57 PM

Un-safe sex. Hmmm. Ain't met my ex yet, eh?

I prefer tap dancing in a minefield, myself.

hitchiker · #21 27th July 2005, 06:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by peter_mary

I keep thinking about what UN-safe recreational sex would be like:

Sex while white-water rafting?

Sex while hang-gliding?

Sex on skis? (Imagine being naked, coupled, and standing halfway down a slippery mountain with slippery slats on your feet...)

Sex while surfing? (attracts sharks, I understand...)

Sex while playing softball? Okay, that's not as dangerous as it sounds, unless you consider how wooden bats can produce splinters...not that I'd know...or would admit...

Sex on a tandem bicycle, while careening through Pyranees chasing Lance Armstrong? (Gotta make it REALLY unsafe).

Yeah, I can see why safe recreational sex would be much, well, safer!

Peter_Mary

what about un safe sex whilst sky diving , now that could be a real buzz , seeing the ground rushing up in the middle of an orgasm