Post-Mormon Identity
My wife pointed out the following to me from one of the Women's Studies textbooks she teaches from. I've adapted it to reflect the Post-Mormon identity rather than the feminist identity, because the developmental stages are almost precisely the same. (I don't see right off the bat who to attribute this to, and I'm too lazy to go hunting for it, but you can find it on page 476 of the text entitled "Half the Human Experience: The Psychology of Women.")
Stage 1: Passive Acceptance. In this stage, Mormons passively accept traditional roles and dogmas and do not question either. [When we were True Believing Mormons, we accepted the gospel and the history and the standards and patriarchy at face value, without questioning. We didn't think about it, we just lived it.]
Stage 2: Revelation. In this stage, catalyzed perhaps by a crisis, reading a book or stumbling upon an internet site, the member questions dogma, history and their own testimony. They often experience great anger and hold a negative view of the Church and its leaders. [This is the first step "out." I don't know ANYONE who, upon realizing that it was all a deception, didn't get pretty darn angry.]
Stage 3: Embeddedness. The Post-Mo develops a sense of connectedness with other Post-Mo's and receives affirmation and strength from them. [That's what this site is all about...affirmation, validation, community building, growing stronger, etc.]
Stage 4: Synthesis. The Post-Mo develops a positive self-identity and transcends their former Mormon upbringing and scripting. They no longer blame the Church and its members, and evaluate each person, Mormon, non-Mormon and Post-Mormon on an individual basis. [This is critical in my mind. It's the stage when you really break free from the expectations that Church has of you, and you are free to evaluate individuals based on your own experience, rather than a set of pre-determined standards handed down from Salt Lake. It's what really frees a person to navigate comfortably in the Post-Mormon world. Its also what finally frees you to "love your neighbor as yourself," ironically enough...]
Stage 5: Active Commitment. Post-Mormon identity is consolidated and the Post-Mo becomes committed to working actively to promote an inclusive world. [This is the part where we give back and reach out...both to those who are struggling to get out, and those who are struggling to stay in. When we are comfortable in our own skin, with our own identity, we are no longer threatened by their identity. Ultimately, we get past the whole "us/them" paradigm and just see each other as people. Period. Folks who are just trying to get along in this world, same as me.]
I think this is useful in normalizing our experience. As I said, this was developed to identify the developmental stages of feminist identity (see, Boyd K. Packer had good reason to identify feminists as one of the three enemies of the Church!), but it is no doubt applicable to anyone evolving out of a restrictive paradigm into an open paradigm.
Paul
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